(A picture of my ~sUpEr fLy~ Sketchers)
If you know me at all, you know that I am not athletic. I’ve never been. Growing up, I talked myself out of just about all gym classes I had to take (you know, with my ~cHaRm~). In high school I attended half a day of volleyball tryouts, realized I hated being physically active, and joined the drama club. Working out is not my thing. I hate the gym. I hate running. I hate sweating. I hate people watching me workout.
Which is why it was surprising for me and everyone who knows me when I went out of my way to get a personal trainer.
This fall, I’m all about wellness. Emotional wellness, spiritual wellness, mental wellness, and physical wellness. It’s a balance between all the areas that make up my life, and I realized (pretty easily) that I was lacking in the physical department.
That’s when I reached out to an old pal of mine who is ~fit af~ and asked him to help me out (shout out to Reed Watkins for helping a sista out).
Having a personal trainer is a funny thing. It sounds really glamorous and boujee, but let me assure you, it is not. It’s actually just having someone tell you to do a bunch of things that you probably won’t be able to successfully accomplish (which is hard for your trainer to understand because they could do it in their sleep) and then you let them watch you while you struggle and sweat and your glasses fog up due to the perspiration on your face and the body heat radiating from all the other fitness gurus and you’re out of breath and you try to take a break but they start clapping really loudly so you’ll keep going and then they tell you that your form is actually really terrible, which you already knew. Glamorous, right?
In a weird way, you get used to all that awkward stuff. I’ve accepted that I’m going to struggle a lot in the beginning, because it’s something I, or my body, is not used to. I’m going to sweat, my glasses will fog up (no, I don’t wear contacts, touching my eye freaks me out), and I’m going to need a lot of guidance. Of course I’m not going to be able to look like Reed when I workout, because he’s been doing this for years, while I’ve been eating Oreos by the sleeve watching Netflix.
When you stop trying to be perfect at everything, a lot of joy can be found in those unperfected and flawed places. I love working out with Reed. Yes, I struggle and sweat and limp to class for the next 3 days, and roll my eyes when he tells me to do hard things, but I also laugh because, why be serious all the time? If your form is terrible and you look silly, laugh about it. Don’t be discouraged or frustrated because you aren’t perfect at something you just started.
Something valuable to learn is to be able to extend grace to yourself. I know I have to extend loads of grace while I’m trying to get in shape. I’m by no means perfect, or even decent, at working out, but I try, and I work hard, and that’s enough for me.
Going through this process of finding my physical wellness and making sure my body is healthy has taught me a lot about myself. From the girl who sat out of gym class for 13 years, I encourage you to take a step towards wellness. It could be physical, like mine, or it could be in another area of your life. Maybe you struggle with insecurities about yourself, and taking a step toward wellness would be looking at yourself in the mirror, and instead of pointing out everything you see wrong, point out everything you love about yourself. Maybe you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t treat you the best, and makes you feel less than what you are, and taking a step toward wellness looks like distancing yourself from them.
Whatever it is, whatever type of wellness you see lacking in your life, I encourage you to take a step toward it. Give yourself the time and effort you deserve. You deserve to live a happy, healthy, joy-filled life. What’s keeping you from that?
Zany Lady 